In a long term same gender relationship is there a masculine/feminine party? I once worked in a place where an older janitor always wore coveralls at work but I saw this person when they were off duty several times. They always wore western shirts, low hung jeans, boots, a large black cowboy hat and a large buckle belt buckled under a slight beer belly. I was really surprised to discover this person was female after almost a year of calling her "Sir". There was absolutely nothing in her appearance that said female. I was told she was not a lesbian but just enjoyed being "butch". Is this possible? Forgive me if I have offended anyone.
No offense taken whatsoever, don't worry.
The biggest difference between homosexual and heterosexual couples is exactly what you are asking, gender roles. They are clearly defined for straight people, and obviously cancelled out for homosexual ones, because they are both men/women.
I know the terms "butch" and "femme" get used a lot here (in LGBT), but that can also describe straight people, e.g. you can have a very butch straight woman as well as a feminine but totally straight guy. So I think it is quite pointless for other gay people to insist that "butch" and "femme" refer to only gay people, and something that straight people know nothing about.
In my own relationship, the roles we have or 'assign" to ourselves is "expertise" based, meaning "what are you good at?" I have no aptitude for cooking (although I love watching cooking shows), and he is an expert (having grown up in the restaurant business) so he has the domain of the kitchen. In that sense, gay people are lucky because we don't ever have to deal with the question of "roles vs gender", like when a straight woman earns more than her straight husband, it suddenly becomes a "problem", precisely because it is culturally imbued in our view that men provide for the home and that if both work, the man should earn more (and a blow to the guy's "manhood" should the opposite circumstance prevail).
I'm not saying these are politically correct statements, but it is futile and useless to deny that we are all operating under the same weight of cultural expectations. (Precisely also why gay couples upset that very status quo, there are no gender roles to consider.)
So it is entirely possible for a straight female to take on totally masculine qualities (however this is locally and cuturally defined for you) and still consider herself "totally straight".
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